she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
