She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just want to make out with him forever
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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