So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
