I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
