AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
