I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
