im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
