flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
