I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
As shirtless as possible
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
wow bdsm is so cute
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
