He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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