She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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