i would one night stand the shit outta him
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have aggressive nipples.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
