i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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