he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
