this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I supernannyed him into submission
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
