i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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