my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
