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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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