Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
