don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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