It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
