...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
