How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
