Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
