do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
