drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
