____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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