Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
