i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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