69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
