She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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