He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
