OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
