Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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