I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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