I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
