Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
