it wasn't lemon gatorade
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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