Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
