i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
