her vagine was all disorganized.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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