And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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