Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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