How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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