I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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