pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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