i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
