dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
