so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
