you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
