i jhust puked up my retainher.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
