Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
