good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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