I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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